10.31 Universe

Sometimes you ask the universe, and sometimes the universe answers back. Last week I sent three questions into the ether and they ricocheted back into my lap and here I am able to share them with you.

The first thing I wanted to know was whether this approach of just being upfront and honest with what I want and/or need will even out and I’ll be able to integrate this more consistently into my life. The answer is obviously no. Things will never be consistent, they’ll never even out or be balanced or any other way I can figure out to say the same thing.

The truth that I need to get used to is that by being more open, I am intentionally putting myself in a place of vulnerability. And therefore, opening up a space to be wounded. You know, that’s just the way it’s gotta be. Sometimes it might work out, and other times it’ll blow up in my face. It’s all about how I roll with the good times (and get better at accepting them) and adapt to the crappy times. Because there will be crappy times. Deal with it.

The second thing I wanted to know was far more complicated. When someone compliments me, why do I get so uncomfortable and feel like they are talking about someone else? I’m working on this one. Things don’t happen overnight. Give me some time. I’ve always wondered why I have such a drive to put things out there, yet feel so uncomfortable when someone recognizes them. Like, isn’t this inherently a contradiction? As with the first thing above, this is something that needs getting over. It’s unnecessary to be cocky about anything, but at least a little confidence in my abilities and creativity could be improved upon. If someone is complimentary or encouraging, for damn sake, I just need to say thank you and accept it and move on.

I didn’t get much of an answer yet on the third thing of when I actually start feeling more confident about what’s happening around me, it all turns to shit. The danger here is that you never end up enjoying anything. Just wait around for the other shoe to drop. That’s no way to live. There must be some kind of balance that can be created here where, again, a confidence (without cockiness) can co-exist with my work or goals or people around me. Having to think the worst of a situation just because you’re scared of considering a positive outcome is exhausting, unnecessary, and at times unproductive.

Basically, it seems that the connecting elements here are developing confidence and accepting things around me. Accepting both the negative/positive outcomes (and just roll with whatever) and in the way people interact with me. If someone is encouraging, appreciate it. If someone is being an asshole, don’t put up with it.

Essentially, value yourself. Wow, what a concept. Thanks, universe.