The Presentation

Outside a discount grocery store, I stood freezing my ass off. I was heading to the west end of the city, not west end downtown, farther than that, much farther. Past where the streetcars stopped running.

I had a meeting scheduled, one of those kinds of meetings that you wonder why you agreed to it and right up to when it happens, you're trying to get out of it. My plan was to hop on a streetcar, ride it directly to the end of the line and jump in a taxi from there. The end of the line was in the middle of nowhere with not a cab in sight. And exactly what everyone else in the world thought Canada was like all the time - one of those days so cold, where you barely kept it together outside.

With the grocery store as my North Star, I headed towards it, the idea being I could pretend to be shopping for groceries while I called for a cab. Inside, I arranged for a taxi and kept watch loitering around the legumes.

A taxi came speeding down the entrance and stopped right in front of the grocery store. I ran outside, and the driver put down the passenger side window and asked, "Are you, Carl?" Now, every once in a while, we are fortunate to be present in a specific moment in time, a moment where our life could change, could continue on our usual trajectory or go off in an unknown direction. I thought about the meeting I was trying to get to and how much I didn't want to go. Added to this, the ridiculously cold weather. Plus, there was only so much loitering I could do before having to buy something. So, I made a decision. He asked again, "Are you, Carl?" And I said, "Yes."

From the backseat, I watched the driver plugin some coordinates into his GPS, and we were off. Somewhere at the grocery store was someone named Carl waiting for a taxi. My bones were frigid, about ready to crack. Besides, he could take my taxi when it got there.

I didn't know where we were going, and I didn't care. At that moment, in that taxi, I was Carl.

We reached our destination of what looked like a conference centre, and a woman came running towards the car. She thrust the door open and asked desperately, "Are you, Carl?" I nodded, she paid for my taxi and ushered me inside. "They are all ready and waiting for you." When we got inside, she slapped one of those 'Hello My Name Is…' name tags on my chest. Carl was printed in black sharpie.

Those moments I spoke of earlier come every once in a while, but here I already had another chance. As I walked into that packed conference centre, I thought about Carl. Usually, I am plagued by anxiety, bouts of depression and have a list of insecurities a mile long. In social situations, especially networking-type events, I can be awkward and often the weird guy standing off in the corner.

Not Carl.

Carl was confident, he was charming and charismatic. He knew how to handle a crowd and had no problem being appropriately personal. People knew when Carl entered a room and when he left, they talked about him. Carl's a man that got noticed.

On my way up to the stage, at least ten people stopped to introduce themselves to me. Men, at least ten years my senior, slapped me on the back. My head was high, and I felt for one of the first times in my life what it was like to be comfortable with yourself. As the woman who first met me went up on stage to introduce me, I suddenly realized that I was the keynote speaker for whatever this conference was about. But I wasn't scared because Carl didn't get scared. Carl ate fear for breakfast.

The conference was a gathering of people in all forms of media. Well, it just so happened that I was very familiar with this subject. She introduced me to a roar of applause, and I stepped up to the microphone.

You should have heard the dramatic pause I took. I let the air be sucked out of the room, but not out of fear or nervousness, out of anticipation of the profound talk that was about to happen. I can't exactly remember everything I said, but I spoke about the positive parts of our business, the growth and the exciting new opportunities coming our way. I also talked about how we could get better, that we had a long road ahead of us, but together we could achieve success. By the end of that speech, I had the crowd in the palm of my hands. They were cheering and clapping as I stepped off the stage. It's not about what you said, but how you said it.

The real Carl popped into my head. I wondered if he waited in front of that grocery store, and a taxi pulled up, and the driver asked, "Are you, Paul?" And Carl, being cold and impatient, took the taxi and stepped into my life. Maybe he had that same kind of moment, but for him, he got my anxieties and insecurities. And just as I thought this was a fair trade-off, as my adoring public was shaking hands with me, I walked from the stage and saw him enter the conference room. The woman that introduced me was talking to him and pointing at me. She knew that he was the real Carl, and the three of us shared an intimate moment of confusion/recognition in that crowded room.

I felt my head lower, my shoulders went round, and I couldn't look anyone in the eyes. I slipped through my cheering and adoring public, out a side door and back into the cold. I called for a taxi, and when he showed up, he put down the passenger side window and asked, "Are you, Paul?" To which I replied, somewhat defeated, "Yes."