8.10 Get Out

So, let's just get this out of the way first. This entry is going to be all about how much of a grumpy old man I am becoming. I get it, I'm aware, let's just move on.

A couple of weeks ago, I went to see the movie Get Out. I don't have to go on and on about how great this movie was, there are many other outlets that have expressed this opinion and I agree with them all. Go read about the movie somewhere else. Maybe HERE.

No, what I'd like to discuss is going to the movie theatre. There was a point in my life when I went to see a movie in the theatre at least once a week. Often, I went by myself, which I had no problem doing. I was - and still am - a single person. We need to participate in cultural experiences any way we can. Get over it.

My friend and I met at the Yonge and Dundas theatre. Don't ever go to this theatre. All of the lines buying tickets or entering the theatre with tickets were all the same line. More of a giant blob of people, pushing and shoving to get to the same place.

We got into the theatre and it was packed. Now it's great to see a modestly budgeted but interesting movie get so much attention. But. We managed to find two seats near the front along the aisle. I had long given up on people not talking through the previews. I always liked the previews. A long time ago, before the internet, the only way you knew about new movies was through the previews. I don't give a shit if you talk through the commercials. Also, fuck the commercials. Why are there commercials? You can even skip the commercials at home on television. Why is this still a thing?

See? Grumpy. ANYWAYS.

The movie started and the people sitting behind us immediately started talking. Actually, there were two groups of people. Let's call them the Idiots on the Right and the Assholes on the Left. The Idiots on the Right started the whole thing. Near the beginning of the movie, they started talking about what was happening. But, they were not just talking about what was happening, they were talking about scenes that happened ten minutes previously. For example, there was a scene where the characters were sitting around having dinner. One of the characters had a little too much wine and slurred his words. Ten minutes later, one of the Idiots on the Right said, "I think that one guy was drunk." That scene was finished. In the movie, it was already the next day. This went on through the entire thing.

The Assholes on the Left played a different game. They were trying to guess what was going to happen. For example, "That's the cop from the beginning and he's going to try and kill them." He was telegraphing everything and he literally got nothing right. Not one guess. If a definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result, the Asshole on the Left should have been committed on the spot.

So, the Idiots on the Right were in the past and the Assholes on the left were in the future. I guess that means we were in the present.

You're probably asking, Well, Paul, why didn't you say something? Maybe I should have, but also, I felt like if I did tell them to be quiet, they'd get all defensive (because I imagine they didn't think they were doing anything wrong) and make the entire experience unpleasant. I guess I have too much faith in people. I thought it was common sense that you didn't talk in a movie theatre, but I've been known to be wrong from time to time. You know what I really should have said? What would have been perfect? The kind of statement that one carries a microphone around for so they can drop it? I really should have stood up, pointed to the door and said, "GET OUT!"

Paul Dore