3.24 The Book of Annoyance: The Gym

Looking good has never been so annoying. A lot of time and money is spent on physical well-being, from supplements to vitamins, yoga to aerobics, weightlifting to marathoning. And spin classes. I didn’t know what a spin class was going in, and I’m still not really sure, all I know is it wasn’t the kind of spinning I had in mind. The gym is a manufactured institution that resembles a religion. You have the fanatic, cult-like people who workout everyday, and cannot function without their daily dosage of endorphins. Then there are the people like those that only go to church on Christmas. You’ve seen them, decked out in their brand new workout clothes, ready to get in shape. Stay away from these people, they are dangerous and way too enthusiastic. But a temporary problem, really. After a few visits, they most likely won’t be back.

I will never be huge. I have come to terms with this. I’ve been the same height and weight since age fifteen, and I will never have a six-pack stomach or bulging biceps. People find my mind attractive. Right? However, going to the gym has been a fixture in my life for many years, mostly under the guise of attempting to fight off old age, but also hopefully my dedication for maintaining a healthy disposition is potentially attractive to, well, someone. If you’ve read any of the previous entries, or even if you’re new and believe perhaps the name of this column is some type of misnomer, a decoy maybe, that perhaps this is some type of happy-go-lucky, positive self-help guide, or life affirming article. Sadly, no. I am here to go through a few of those little things that sometimes makes going to the gym more than a little annoying.